National Coming Out Day

Until people no longer need to come out — once or many times — we still need days like “National Coming Out Day” to raise awareness that this is still a necessary experience for many. It also serves to reassure those who are still scared that it’s going to be okay.

Despite my campness, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve come out as gay.

I guess the first time was when I was 15 and told a friend I didn’t think I was straight. I remember the terror I felt the next day for having shared — I swore my friend to secrecy, and we didn’t speak about it for years.

The next time was in my first year of university, when I was 19. After a few too many vodka diet cokes on a night out, I gave in to my suppressed sexuality and spent the night snogging a guy in a club. The next morning, there was no hiding my true self from my flatmates.

A year later, I was home for the holidays, and my mum kept asking me why I wasn’t myself and why I was avoiding coming home. The little nod I gave when she finally asked me — after checking that I wasn’t on drugs or upset about a girl — if I was gay marked the next time I came out.

Every time I start a new job or meet someone new, I feel like I come out again.

It also happens in smaller ways that still have a big impact on me — doctors assuming my partner is female, receiving a letter addressed to Mr. & Mrs., or the assumption on holiday that I need a twin hotel room because two men couldn’t possibly share a bed.

As a white, gay man, I’m acutely aware that even these examples reflect privilege. Nearly every time I’ve come out, it has ultimately been met with positivity and support. When I think of my trans friends, I know that hasn’t always been the case. Given the current hostilities faced by the trans and non-binary community, I can’t imagine the fear they endure at the prospect of coming out for the first time and all the times that inevitably follow.

So, if you’re straight and cis reading this, instead of thinking “not ANOTHER day for the alphabet mafia,” consider how many times you’ve had to share your sexual preference or a deeply personal aspect of your identity with a complete stranger. Until we’re all in your position and people are accepted just as they are, we’ll continue to need days like today.

-Charlie