International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Lesbophobia and Transphobia

The 17th May marks the International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia, Lesbophobia and Transphobia, commonly abbreviated to ‘IDAHOBLIT’ – it’s a day where we reflect on the causes and costs of Hate Crime against those in the LGBTQIA+ community.

You’ll see a lot of posts which will tell you about the history of the day, some may even share the shocking statistics of increasing hate crime against our community.  These are important, but I want to share some lived observations of being part of the LGBTQIA community at a time of hatred and indifference and what this actually means, as well as where Allies can help, and where they get it wrong.

Being part of a visible minority, whether it be like me, a bi, trans woman or those from faith groups with a visual identity means that you become a lightning rod for hatred.   Hatred doesn’t arrive wearing heavy boots and with brutal imagery; it arrives with ‘legitimate concerns’ a need for ‘reasoned debate’ – it lurks insidiously in the desire for ‘balance’ in conversation,  a fallacy where the basic human rights of peoples are concerned.   These honeyed voices, whether in the media, politics or within business cite hypothetical scenarios where the rights of a minority are seen to be somehow taking away from the rights of others within the majority.  This is a story as old as humanity and it is depressing to see how the ‘intellectualisation’ of hatred; particularly in the UK has gained traction over the last few years.

Historically we saw the ‘debates’ about the rights of non-white people to work, take part in sports and leisure activities, rent or buy property, access education being questioned for ‘legitimate reasons’ – “They are not like us”; “It’s not racist to point out the differences”; “Science tells us that…” – all of which were fallacies.  The same ‘debates’ rage about Refugees, Trans people, the Neurodivergent and anyone who doesn’t fit the majority – the smaller the minority, the louder the hatred becomes.  And it is frightening and it is tiring.

How does this manifest?  Firstly with groups of people living lawful, peaceful and productive lives being catapulted into a state of hypervigilance. Expending inordinate amounts of energy in planning and risk assessing the most mundane of activities;  spontaneity is a gift denied and studies have shown the impacts on the mental health of those living this way in similar to those with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD).  It’s not just about the violent attack, it’s the ‘can I go here’ ‘Will I be abused here’, ‘will I be able to discharge the basic functions of life here’ that constitutes hate today.  Many of those indulging in it don’t actually realise that they are doing so, so successful have been the efforts of those who lobby politicians and our media – the ‘discourse’ about Trans access to bathrooms, sport and hospitals has come from nowhere;  an uninformed observer would imagine that Trans people (Trans women in particular) were taking over sport (Zero representative caps in major sports, no Olympic medals, 1 in 46,000 Olympians over 20 years), committing multiple crimes in public toilets (zero evidence of this is ever presented) or that Trans women were committing acts of gross indecency in hospital settings (Zero complaints or incidents reported) – and yet governments threaten legislation, media outlets continue a war of hate filled words and people with a tendency to violence are emboldened and legitimised within the community.

So the first step of allyship is to think carefully about what you read and see.  There are helpful hints.  If the word ‘woke’ is used, it is now likely that there will be hate following it.  ‘Woke’ is a variation on ‘Political Correctness gone mad’ and all the other iterations of ‘don’t change the status quo to improve lives for minorities’ – If the speaker or writer cites an ‘issue’ which needs to be addressed watch to see (a) do they have expertise? [An academic from a different discipline opining on Race/Gender/Sexuality has no greater authority to speak than someone off the street]  (b) Are they providing access to voices from the community they are speaking against?  If not, then question why not. Don’t be fooled by sensible sounding names which confer some sort of legitimacy by association.  People who hate rarely advertise that they are ‘anti something’ – their groups will be called ‘Standing up for [insert group here]’ or ‘voice for [insert other group here]’ – usually with an appeal to ‘family’ or ‘children’ – because these are seen as safe places to land – but the concept of what a family is, and who children are (they are human beings!) is sadly not something which enjoys the consensus that those who speak hate would have you believe. (c) Ask ‘what is this person trying to make me do? – Rarely will a speaker or writer spell this out, if their intention is to divide or brew hatred – note how I opened this article with my intentions, they’re simple – I want to eliminate hate crime and the legitimacy being attached to it in our society – can those columnists say the same?

So we turn to the day to day, and my experience.   It’s now just under five years since I started to live my life completely openly – in that brief period I have been subjected to Transphobic and Misogynistic hate more times than I care to count.   This ranges from the subtle abuses from those I interact with, to the internet death and rape threats which ebb and flow into my life, to the violence I have faced while out and about.

The violence is terrifying, shaming and the effects linger on long after the incident itself has finished.  Here’s how two such incidents went down.

The first was while I was driving to see friends in the West Country.   A drive of some 4 hours duration, and one where I found myself needing to stop to use the toilet.  Parked up, entered the services, found the toilets, used one – behind the customary locked door, stopped to wash my hands and brush my hair through then left.   No issues in the toilet area, but as soon as I emerged a man grabbed me and slammed me into the wall.  He was frothing with anger and told me to ‘keep away from the f***ing kids’ – No children seemed to be present, nor had I given any impression of going near children – or anyone else for that matter.   The incident took maybe 15 seconds before he shoved me away and walked away in a stream of invective – staring at me.

Not a single person intervened.

Nobody said a word.

I was terrified, I was ashamed, I felt like in doing something lawful, normal and universal that I had been singled out as being a criminal – and yet I was the victim of the criminal attack.  During the attack I froze.  I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move and I certainly wasn’t able to defend myself; despite an earlier life experience where self defence played a significant role.  I didn’t report it, or seek a security guard or police officer, because I was ashamed of being a victim; worried if they would share that man’s hate and compound the issue, and so I hurried back to my car and locked the door.  The result of this is that for the last three years I have avoided service stations – I have had to try and plan journeys in a way that means I don’t need the toilet – not drinking for hours before I leave, carrying a urine bottle in the boot of the car ‘just in case’, friends have become used to my rushing to their toilet on arrival, which is a bit rude and definitely not usual.

And yet, the narrative continues about the dangers of trans people out and about.  The actions of that man are openly praised online by groups purporting to ‘speak for women’ – men openly boast online and (disgracefully) recently I saw a sticker on a car which stated that the driver of it would be happy to assault any trans woman he saw using toilet facilities.   Hate legitimised or ignored has consequences.

The second incident I’ll talk about was closer to home – in the heart of London, 200m from my office; in a busy, cosmopolitan part of the city, 5 minutes away from the excellent ‘Queer Britain’ museum.  I walked out of the office to buy a sandwich at St Pancras railway station – something I’d done hundreds of times before,  walking from Pancras Square – past the vast Google offices I walked past a small knot of men smoking next to the bicycle shop – all dressed smartly, clearly local office workers.  I had the all too familiar sinking feeling that I had been ‘clocked’ – identified as Trans as I approached – they looked round, faces a mix of amusement and unpleasant curiosity.  One of them turned to the others and said something I couldn’t hear.   There was laughter.

I carried on walking and as I passed – trying to look engaged in anything but them I heard the noise, then felt the globules of spit hit my coat – accompanied by a stream of unpleasant abuse.  Once again there were people around, it was lunchtime next to two of London’s busiest train stations, but nobody stopped to check I was OK,  one woman saw it and turned around to walk a different way.  Again I felt dirty,  violated by being attacked in that way – and yes, being spat on is as much a physical attack as being punched or kicked.

I’ve told the story before – using my coat as a prop – a coat I was proud to wear, to alter to fit me; my first proper smart winter coat – which has been soaked in red bull, thrown from a moving vehicle in the centre of London, and by the spit of someone who very likely works no more than 1km from my own office.

When I tell the story, allies are horrified.  They ask me ‘why are people like that?’ ‘why can’t people just let you live?’  I don’t know the answer to that, and please – if you feel like doing that – as much as it is from a place of love, don’t.   It doesn’t help, it is passive and it invites me to consider why some people carry hate around with them – something I have to watch for every moment of every day.

Also for allies – I appreciate it when you say ‘I’ll walk with you’ – or when you push back on me saying that I cannot go somewhere because it is too risky by saying ‘I will be there’ –but consider what that means. 

Are you really ready to intervene?  To step in; to shield me from the blows – even though this puts you in harm’s way?   Will you be capable of acting – or like me, someone with a background in conflict and dangerous work, will you freeze and lose your ability to act.   I can be almost certain it will be the latter – and then we are both in a dangerous place.

Hate has to be stopped before it hits the streets – the environment where some people feel emboldened to attack needs to be addressed.  This means speaking to your elected representatives – telling them that Homophobia and Transphobia is not a vote winner, nor is it popular.  It means responding to official ‘consultations’ which seek to strip the humanity and dignity from the LGBTQIA+ community – making clear that you do not approve or support.  It means not being a bystander or making excuses for abuse just because you like the books, music or comedy shows of the perpetrator.  We live in a world where ‘celebrity’ leads on so much, and frankly some celebrities are driven by hate – sometimes because of a character defect, often because they see it as being good for their profile – you cannot control the former, but the latter is in your hands.

The LGBTQIA+ community cannot stop hate.  We can continue to curtail our day to day lives to mitigate it, to avoid it; but that is not living.   We need those outside the community to make it clear that hate is not acceptable in a modern civilisation – and that probably means you.

-Emily Hamilton